So I recently posted a link from Fox News in which a writer wrote about the narcissistic generation we are raising. I was in total agreement with this article. I am sure I have talked about this many times before. As someone that works with youth and young adults I see it consistently. I also find myself at times falling into the trap. So if we were all honest, I am sure we would all be in some aspect of agreement with this notion. Fair enough. But what do we do about it? There is only one place in society I can see change coming from. Parents. Parents need to be waaaaaaaay more involved. Parents need to be parents and stop worrying about being your kid's friend. Your sole job as a parent is to parent. I would offer up that being "friends" with your son or daughter could actually be harmful for them. I was not friends with my parents. They were authority figures. They were leaders. They were advisors. They were police. They were providers. They were disciplinarians. They were instructors. I could probably list a bunch more of roles they played in my life. I would not include friend in any of them. Were we friendly. Of course. Were we close. Yes. Did we enjoy hanging out together and doing stuff. Yup! Were we friends? No. We were family. They were my parents and I was their child. It worked really well. It was the way it was designed to be. Once I became an adult did our relationship change a bit? Sure. They became more of a consultant position I could go to.
I don't subscribe to the idea of giving our kids lots of privacy and space. My grandfather, who was a terrific father and grandfather as well as a police officer, gave my mother this advice. Check your child's room regularly, know where your child is as much as possible, know their friends and who they hang out with. Basically, be intrusive. Did my mom do those things? Yup! Did she find things in my room I didn't want her to? Yup! Was I better for it? Yup! I recommend those things for all parents to do. Know where your kid spends time and who with. Do regular room checks. Check their computers and follow what they are doing. You can even get software to check up on them so you know what sites they are going on and what they are doing online. Be intrusive. Don't give them unnecessary privacy that will not do them any good. Be extremely involved in their lives whether they want it or not. Don't be their friend. Be their parent. Squash their narcissistic tendencies and teach them to have respect for others, to act properly, to serve others, to work hard and be full of character and integrity. This is best gift you can ever give your child. The gift of a real parent. Do what is best for your child not what they want.
http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2013/01/08/are-raising-generation-deluded-narcissists/
Well said, Vaughn. I have a friend who works in injury prevention for the health region who says "99% of injuries can be prevented through supervision" That can pertain to many different aspects of child rearing.
ReplyDeleteI find it difficult to balance the things I want to change about the way I was raised and the ways that I want my children to respect and heed me. Then there are the times when my hubby needs to remind me that I am the adult. THAT is something that is super important for today's parents to realize. You can't be their friend...you just need to love them and do the best you can so they can go forth and be the best they can. Perhaps most days I feel like I am too tough on them or have too high of expectations, but I often tell my kids that I am the meanest momma on the planet and they will be better people for it. (I hope.)